Breaking the Silence

Monday after I wrote my post on abuse, I decided to Google "verbal abuse blogs". In the past ten years I had never done this - even if I had, I don't think I would have been ready to take in what the Internet had to offer up. What I found just about blew me out of my chair. Right there. On my screen. My words, but from another woman's mind. My eyes were opened wide and my mouth hung open. To say that I was dumbfounded is quite the understatement.

Blog entry after blog entry was filled with the conversations I had had with my abuser. Near verbatim. Every lie, every put-down, every back-handed slash to the spirit. Even down to the merry-go-round tactics of manipulation and twisting words into making their prey feel crazy and cornered. Everything.

The biggest thing that got me was this quote from You are Not Crazy, which is unfortunately not active anymore.

This website is wholly, compassionately dedicated to the women

who have fought to love and understand

in total solitude

the men that

rage at them, call them names, criticise their mistakes, joke about their insecurities, mock their interests, trivialize their pain, yell at them suddenly, threaten them with their deepest fears and tell them that they deserve it.

Then to top it all off,

he steadfastly denies it all,

as he masterfully charms everyone he meets,
just like he did to her when they first met.

Wow. Just wow.

In reading blog entries from other women over the past few days, I have found it was extremely liberating and calming to know that there are many more out there like me who have endured the cycle of abuse and have broken free. To read about their lives in such a raw fashion was definitely an eye-opening experience. So in the hopes that I will be able to help another woman find some peace - even if it is just one - I will reveal some of my experiences here on my own blog. I don't want this to be the focus of Building the Muse, but it will definitely be a significant part. All posts on abuse will be labeled with "Ghosts" for an easy search.

Again and again I read that silence is the best way to support an abuser. So gloves off. I will never name him for his own privacy, but many readers who know me will know.