Beginning the re-building

Today is a new day. I have been torn down from all directions.

I'm at rock bottom emotionally, physically and mentally. It's an effort to walk the dog. I'm winded climbing the stairs. My insides are curling up on themselves and I'm tired of it. I'm lethargic, sad, melancholy, listless, lifeless and puffy.

It would be so easy to stay like this and rot, but I can't. I would be destroying everything I have worked for up until this point in my life.

So tomorrow starts a new chapter.

I have to get out and do. Not just be. But I have to be comfortable with me and the direction I'm going, even though I feel like I'm blindfolded and hobbled. Maybe that's the best way considering I would be scared out of my gourd if I were to take a look at all of the details. I'm naturally a planner and I have to let that go. I need to see that which is in between the black and white.

I have to say that every once and a while, I see a glimmer of what I am to be. It feels like every time I reach for it my hand gets slapped. So I need to try another path of self-discovery and be willing to veer off the path of a bit. Maybe a better one will be there.