The Special Mother

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook. It really hit home with me because of everything I have been through with Payton, so I thought I would share it here.

Her nursing instructor sent it to her. She had just graduated before she gave birth to her beautiful son. At four months old, he had a heart transplant and has been struggling with cancer ever since. My friend is such a strong woman. I think of her and her son nearly every day.

The Special Mother

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressure and a couple by habit. This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.

Did you ever wonder how these women are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew."
"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia."
"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint... giver her Gerald. He's used to profanity."

Finally he passes a name to the angels and smiles. "Giver her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she know patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says mama for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see -- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice -- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?"

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Yikes.

Time flies and I've been really really bad about posting daily pictures.

I have decided that I'm not going to beat myself up about it. So much on the outside of the computer screen has been changing and I can barely keep up with that.

So it is what it is.

When I have them, I have them. When I don't, I don't. C'est la vie. I wonder how many I will post in a years time. I have to say that it will be considerably more that I would have if it were not for Project 365! So that is a step in the right direction.

More to follow today...

Day 21: Project 365

So I did it. I bought the Crocs. I needed a pair of clogs for work that will work with the scrubs that I will be wearing. I need closed-toe shoes for around the office that will be easy to kick off because I like to work bare-footed.

Work starts Saturday.

Day 20: Project 365

In February of last year, I was invited to create a table setting for the annual gala given by Mainly Mozart. There were about 30 designers in San Diego who were invited to do this. The theme was simply "Love, Music, Mozart" as it was the week before Valentines Day.

Here's a close-up shot:



I used around 100 locally grown roses of various varieties, feathers and other greenery on a wrought iron stand. The favors were hand-made chocolates from Chuao Chocolatier.

Day 19: Project 365

This is what love looks like.

I adore this photo. Tony and I got married on 09.09.09, but we had a small ceremony for friends and family at my mom's house the following Saturday. My mom's dear friend took this shot of us after dinner.

I was watching "Platinum Weddings" last night after the kids went to bed. The featured couple put on a lavish wedding to the tune of over $800,000.00. My first question is, what the hell do these people do that they can afford to throw away that kind of money on one evening? The second question in my mind is, who are they trying to impress?? Even if we had the money, I don't think we would even dream of spending that kind of cash on our wedding. That could buy a house for all three kids.

Tony asked me if I wished that we had had a big wedding with all of the trimmings. My reply was simply this: No. What we did was perfect for us and our family. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Day 18: Project 365

My iPhone is being monopolized by a certain little four year old who has been hit with the creeping crud, so I thought I would post some images that Tony and I have taken over the past year or so. Tip: toddlers love the "Talking Carl" application for iPhone.

This bamboo grove is happily thriving away at the San Diego Botanic Gardens. Tony and I took a walk there last spring. He got some other amazing shots that we have hanging in our bedroom. I had them framed for his birthday last month.

Day 17: Project 365

Bonsai seems to think that the bed is his. Especially on lazy Sunday mornings. I'm just glad that he matches my duvet cover.